Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
