Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
