I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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