Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
