Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
