I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
