a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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