So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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