i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Randomize
