I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
