i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
