No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
