This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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