So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
