me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize