What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
