Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
