I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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