i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Randomize
