why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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