I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
