Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
