So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
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