You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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