The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
