I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
