the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
