I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
