I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
