Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
