He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
did you just send me my own nude
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
