First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I deserve this hangover.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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