i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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