If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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