I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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