Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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