hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
