So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize