____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
