you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
