I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
