if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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