I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
