Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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