Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
