i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
