This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
