I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize