She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
