That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
