it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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