I am in a vortex of obligation.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
