i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
