I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
wow bdsm is so cute
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
