I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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