Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
