Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
