I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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