I wannas sexs uuuuu
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
