my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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