Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
