it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
