Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
