We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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