Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
