Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
