I want to have your abortion
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
