She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
