Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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